it is hard to believe that the final examination is FINALLY here!!huh!! make my life so miserable!! even xde masa nk spend time 4 my bf n my beloved scandal.. hehehe.. ok, thats not the point actually.. the point is, i just wanna thx to all my beloved scandal n especially my bf for the goodluck wishes!! i really appreciate it!! thx guys!! korg la pembakar semangat aku dlam menempuh exam yg mcm sh*t nie... hahaha.. dengan itu, saya nk mohon maaf if selama nie saya dah pernah buat salah or anything yg boleh mengguris perasaan.. sorry sgt...
lastly, aku harap korg doakanlah aku selama aku menghadapi final nie..
*p/s: my final start on 25th of april till 4th of may... n my 20th bday is on 7th of may.. hehehe...
I don't wanna go another day, So I'm telling you exactly what is on my mind. Seems like everybody's breaking up Throwing their love away, But I know I got a good thing right here That's why I say (Hey) [Chorus:] Nobody gonna love me better I must stick with you forever. Nobody gonna take me higher I must stick with you. You know how to appreciate me I must stick with you, my baby. Nobody ever made me feel this way I must stick with you. I don't wanna go another day So I'm telling you exactly what is on my mind. See the way we ride in our private lives, Ain't nobody getting in between. I want you to know that you're the only one for me (one for me) And I say [Chorus] And now Ain't nothing else I can need (nothing else I can need) And now I'm singing 'cause you're so, so into me. I got you, We'll be making love endlessly. I'm with you (baby, I'm with you) Baby, you're with me (Baby, you're with me) So don't you worry about People hanging around, They ain't bringing us down. I know you and you know me And that's all that counts. So don't you worry about People hanging around, They ain't bringing us down. I know you and you know me And that's why I say
ok.. tajuk 2 je dah gempak kn... hahaha.. tpi mmg serious... aku ada skandal str8 skrung nie... "wait2.. bukan ke ko dah ada bf??" yup.. saya mmg dah ada bf n sgt sayang dengan bf saya.. but gay nie special sikit la.. skandal ramai, but setia dgn bfnye sahaja.. hoho.. skandal dalam hidup aku nie brmaksud seseorg yg kita dpt bagi kasih sayang selain daripada bf kite.. meaning, skandal nie bley jugak dianggap "abg angkat".. heehe.. mmg aku nie tamak kn.. what do u aspect when ur bf bizi with his work all the time.. nk ganggu die hurmmm... krg die nyampah trus minx putus cmne?? sape nk jawab.. hahah...
ok.. lets move on dgn skandal str8 aku nie.. firstly, aku nk brsyukur kepada allah kerana temukan aku dgn die nie.. ok.. aku namekn die nie Zar(bukan name sebenar).. aku actually x faham sbnarnye dgn die nie.. sgt unik.. yela, maybe bcoz die nie st8.. die nie sbnarnye baru first time ada hubungan ngan gay(akulah!!) *based dgn ape yg die kata* actually die nie mmg harimau! AUMMM!! cuz die nie mmg aktif main pompuan jugak.. so aku tnye la die if sblum nie ada x buat ngan lelaki.. die kate x pernah... aku pown cm hairan la jugak..
hurmm. personality die.. die nie mmg sgt baik dan brtanggungjawab kat aku.. aku suke lelaki cm die nie.. die layan aku cm aku nie seorang perempuan n i do LOVE that!!die nie wat hidup aku lebih sempurna... plus, die nie mmg setia balas msg aku.. dahla aku nie skandal gay die yg pertama.. but still tetap layan msg aku.. tau je la aku nie kn mmg manje ngan laki... alhamdulillah.. die ok je layan aku.. n aku sgt seronok layan msg die..
satu lagi, die nie sanggup layan aku mase die tgh kerja!! salute u la cyg!! brbanyak terima kasih b nk ucapkn kat cyg..
yg menariknye, die nie mmg dah macam abg kandung aku sendiri walaupown baru je kenal 3 hari klo x salah.. die selalu nasihatkn aku supaya aku terus belajar, solat jgn lupe, ingat tuhan... huhuh.. aku sgt terharu dgn abg ku ini.. nasihat die yg aku ingat "walau jahat mane kita, ingatlah Allah".. mmg menusuk dlm hati nie..
die nie mmg dah ada someone la (pompuan) yg die sayang... tpi yg aku x puas ati 2, ramai pompuan x tahu nk jaga die.. sedih aku... bukan ape.. cume aku x faham nape org yg sebaik cm2, mesti teraniaya.. n die ada jugaklah cerita kisah die dgn pompuan 2 kat aku.. cara die layan pompuan 2 buatkn aku SUPER JELES dgn layanan yg die bagi... huhuh... aduh!! sgtlah susah nk cari lelaki melayu cmnie... sgt caring, pandai jaga hati, jaga solat, romantic.. sume lah.. aku actually dah jatuh cinta dgn abg angkat aku nie.. tpi aku kn dah ada bf, so aku cinta die sbgai abg aku..
to be honest, aku mmg bahagia bile chat n sms ngan die.. cara di panggil aku, cara die jawab msg aku.. mmg aku sgt trharu.. ada sekali 2 aku mengadu pasal bf aku.. smpai aku kate aku dah nk putus dgn bf aku.. luckily, die nie lah yg motivate diri aku mengatakn sume nie ada hikmahnye.. die slalu suruh aku think positive... n bile aku down n rasa dah putus harapan nk study, die nie jugak la yg menaikkan semangat aku balik.. aku x tahu cmne la nk balas jasa abg aku nie.. die sgt special n sgt penting dlm hidup aku...
lastly, i just wanna wish my cyg semoga die bahagia ngan kekasih die skrung... b x kisah if cyg nk menduakan bby *konon je..* huhu.. b doakan cyg sihat selalu n dimurahkan rezeki... dah banyak cyg tolong bby walaupun baru 3 hari kenal... that means a lot cyg....
*btw, kitorg nie mcm kapel la jugak sbb aku bahasakn diri aku baby n die aku panggil cyg.. cm aku ngan bf aku jugak.. but x tau la.. kasih sayang aku kat die mmg len dari yg len.. bukan cm kekasih.. but lebih special daripada itu...
cyg, if u read this, i just want u to know that i am very sorry cuz dah banyak susahkn cyg.. plus slalu ganggu cyg time keje... bby mmg x layak ada org cm cyg.. sapelah bby nie... thank you so much for everything... i know u might be annoyed sometimes dgn kegedikan bby.. but thats the way i am... im desperate for love from a guy.. i hope u will understand. i don't mean to hurt ur feeling.. but i really LOVE U!! semoga cyg sentiasa bersama dgn bby.... amin~~
yup.. aku mengaku yg skrung nie aku dah mabuk cinta.. aku pown x tau kenapa aku jadi cmnie.. maybe sbb aku dah terlalu sayang sgt kat die kowt.. nk kate dah lame x jumpe, baru je jumpe ari2.. huhuh.... 2la.. aku dah x tau aku nie sape.. mcm dah jadi x betul dah.. my heart always beats so fast n sometimes its hard 4 me to breath... sgt menyakitkn!!!
aku tau, korg mesti x nk pown nk baca kisah aku nie... but inilah yg terpendam kat dlam hati aku... fyi, my final is next week.. but, aku cm dah x bley nk study je.. bile aku bukak je nota, kepala ingat kat die.. nk makan, kepala ingat kat die.. nk mandi, kepala ingat kat die.. almost ape yg aku lakukn, mesti ingat kat die.. tpi alhamdulillah, dalam solat aku masih lagi ingat Allah... aku tahu allah masih sayang kat aku.. sbb itulah die beri aku seorang insan yg sangat menyayangi dan menyintai aku..
boleh dikatakn juga aku nie dah giler kowt.. yes!! im a crazy person.. crazy about my bf!! klo bley nk sentiasa ada dalam dakapan die... *sungguh gedik kn!!* but, itulah yg aku nk skrung nie, tambahan pule aku tgh sgt stress dgn exam yg bakal tiba.. ye aku faham yg die agak sibuk lately.. tpi 2 la.. susah sbnarnye ada relationship ngan orang yg dah bekerja.. slalunye die smpai xde masa dgn diri die sendiri.. yg aku nie plak asyik nk dipeluk je... *plz la.. tpi aku bruntung sbb walaupun aku gedik tahap giler babi, but still die x menyampah dgn aku.. die tetap cakap yg die cintakan aku no matter what... *sgtla sweet* walaupn ayat die cume sepatah, but maksud die sgt mendalam... boleh pengsan on the spot tau!!
bf aku nie pelik orangnye..(jgn marah ye cyg~~) ntahla.. die nie aku x faham sgt.. die kerap buat perkara yg unexpected.. for example, aku ajak die makan kat kedai mamak tepi jalan sbb aku nie mane la ade duit sgt nk ajak makan kat fancy restaurant nie kn...*seb baik JPA sponsor.. huhu..* so, x kan la aku nk pakai giler gempak, siap nk dressing cm nk g tgok american music award 2... so i end up dgn pakaian yg nk g kedai mamak la... hahah.. *selekehlah jugak..* ok.. then die tanye lgi kat aku mase die drive "nk makan kat mane nie?" then aku ckap la mne2 kedai mamak tepi jalan.. die kate ok.. masalahnye, kete 2 heading towards KL.. aku tanye la die ada ke kedai mamak kat kl?? haha.. bodoh nye soklan.. hahah.. die kate "ikot je mne cyg nk bawak.." aku dah cuak dlm hati.. mane lah tau die nk wat dajal kat aku ke.. *fikiran sgt negatif.. huhu..*
guess what?? die bawak aku makan kat MARRIOT HOTEL!! wtf??!! aku ckap la aku nie dahla dgn pakaian yg selekeh.. die kate "ala x kisah la.. cyg love u just the way u are~~ *wah cm lagu bruno mars plak!! aku ape lagi, tersipu2 malu bile die ckap cm2.. hahah.. biarlah ape org nk cakap asalkn bf aku sayang aku!!
owh b4 aku lupe, mase aku nk masok kete die awal tdi, die bagi sejambak bunge kat aku!! i was like surprised, shock, terkedu, terkesima, terpegun, tergoda... hahah.. sgtla romantic!! so sweet... mase dlm kete 2 aku pegang je bunga yg die bagi.. huhuh.. *eleh.. sukalah 2..* hahah.. hati aku dah berbunga2 dah... tmbah lagi ngan bunga yg die bagi.. hohoho..
hurm korg mesti fikir yg negatif kn what we do after that dinner kat marriot hotel.. huhuh.. korg salah... mcm aku ckap b4, aku nie bukan nye nk sex!! i repeat not only about sex!! aku just nk spend time with him.. i want to shower him with all my love.. thats all.. so, after dinner, we just jalan2 kat kl, then die hntar aku balik... shitla kolej aku nie (kolej di u*m).. sbb ada curfew smpai kol 12.. huhu.. bengang aku!!! ok, xpela.. at least aku dah dpt luangkan masa ngan my cyg..
then aku cakap kat die berapa bruntungnye aku dpt kekasih cm die... aku ckap aku nk sehidup semati dgn die... no matter what.. so, aku rasa aku dah mabuk cinta la nie... hahhaha... plus, ada satu lagu yg mmg sesuai ngan diri aku skrung... tilu-ku bukan aku~~
i know... maybe it sound too sarcastic... but bile korg jadi aku korg akn tahu kenapa.... ok.. being gay nie bukan senang nk dpat kawan kat tepi jalan.. hoi!! sape nk ngaku gay depan org ramai!! huhu.. aku pown termasok golongan yg berpura2 di mata masyarakat... aku nie mmg brlagak str8 kat public.. but deep down, im still hiding in my own personal closet... huhu.. nk wat cmner kn..takdir gay di malaysia.. so x bley open sgt..
ok.. the point is, being gay susah nk dpt kawan gay!! trust me.. bygkan bile kite ada masalah ngan bf kite ke, ada peristiwa gembira ngan bf kite ke, x kn kite nk g tau kawan kite yg normal.. mahu dipulau kn adalah!! so i end up looking for friends kat yahoo messenger.. (ym is da best!!)... ok back to da story.. aku actually dpt ramai kawan aka skandal...huhuh.. but tapi aku rasa bruntung sgt cuz dpt seorang kawan yg sebaya ngan aku... mulanye aku fikir cm nk tackle gak la budak nie.. but lastly bile tau sebaya.. hahahah.. like hell no!!! hahah..
ok.. let me introduce my beloved friend nie.. nama die ERIK... (xtaula name sebenar ke bukan.. hahah..) hurm, sbnarnye die nie klo chat ngan aku, he always use dis kind of word,"erk?"(adakah ini perkataan??) whenever he get confused.. hahah.. ERK TO ERIK!! hahah.. ok whatevs!!
die nie actually sgt la baik.. aku x pernah dpt kawan cm die nie.. yelah mne x nye, baru je kenal brape minggu, dah cm kawan lame.. susah tau nk cari kawan cmnie.. hurmm, sbnrnye its quite funny la when we first chat kat ym.. hahaha.. we masturbate together via the webcam!! OMG!! hahah.. still can't believe it till now.. huh!! so sbnarnye die nie hurm.. xtau la nk ckap cmne.. he has a great body (yummy!!), nice teeth, great hair (yo yo o je) n yg paling best die nie muke jantan abis!! siap ada janggut kecil underneath his lips (so howt baby!!).. hohoho.. at first aku x caya yg he is gay.. lame2 lepas gosip pasal lelaki, barulah aku tau die nie gay.. hahah..
about his character... hurmm.. yg ketara die nie mcm pemalu/segan.. huhu.. tpi die nie mmg baik..sgt caring, n not like typical malays... u know what i mean rite... huh (btw, he just called me... hahah.. giler la ko!) n aku rase die nie penyayang based on his story with his x... hurmm aku kesian jugak ngan die nie... sanggup berkorban 4 his future life... *sgt terharu n bangga... to be honest, i love him so much!! cuz he is my only gay friend n he will always there 4 me whenever i need someone to talk 2.. n he is a good listener! sanggup listen n read all my crappy story that obviously mmg mmbosankn... but still he just willing to listen all my problems, my crappy story, my love affair n scandal.. huhu..syukur giler dpt kawan cm die nie.. x tau nk dpt kat mne lgi..
maybe korg pown mesti ada kwan cmnie kn.. tpi masalah nye, i never meet with him yet, but ntahla.. rasa cm dah kenal lame.. *surprised.. so mmg die nie lah kawan sejati aku.. my only friend in this gay world.. klo nk gossip pasal lelaki ke skandal ke, serahkn kat kitorg.. boleh smpai kol 3 pagi dok sitting in front of the laptop laughing alone like an idiot!! hahah.. mmg best borak ngan die... fyi, dia nie la jugak orang yg dah banyak berjasa kat aku dlam mengharungi pahit getir percintaan songsang.. bnyak betul die bagi nasihat kat aku cara nk layan bf sume.. huhu.. mmg nampak kecil je ape yg die bagi, but it means alot!! i really appreciate it erik!!
xtau la nk balas jasa die cmne... (aku dah janji ngan ko nk blanje makan bile dtg kl.. aku xkn lupe 2!!) but blanja makan its not enough.. i need to give something like diamond or gold.. but i can't afford that *sorry ye erik.. aku nie x kaya sgt.. uhuhu..
at the same time, aku rase aku x layak kawan ngan insan yg sebaik die.. die sgt baik dgn aku.. aku nie plak asyik nk merepek je... huhu... kesian aku tgok die.. tpi ttp setia dgr cite aku.. yela, sape la aku nie.. huhu.. last but not least, i hope that our friendship will last forever... i will always love u no matter what...
to my beloved friend erik, i just want u to know that i really appreciate what u have done to me... mungkin ko akn cakap"apela sgt yg aku dah bgi kat ko.. cume borak kosong je..." but dgn borak kosong tula yg makes my life so wonderful... amazing gift maybe comes with small packages.. we never know that.. huhu.. aku nk ko tau yg aku sayang sgt ngan ko.. aku x nk kite putus kawan.. n lastly, thx for everything ERIK!!! I LOVE U!! *sekadar kawan saje.. hohoho...
what a life!! hidupku mmg pathetic.. actually aku nie dah bercinta.. but.. hurmm.. cintaku bukan biasa.. cintaku tidak layak dihargai.. cintaku layak buat masuk tong sampah.. but honestly, thats my true feeling.. aku sbnarnya GAY!! yes.. i admit that.. ramai org bile dgr je ayat nie, all they know what to do is maki and caci people like us. actually, klo aku pown, i will definitely pukul or bunuh org cm2.. furthermore, im a muslim.. so it is obviously prohibited in my religion. but, i can't lie to myself. cukuplah aku tipu diri aku sendiri... aku x nak org len (perempuan yg dah brcinta dgn aku but x tau aku gay) kene tipu jugak... they r not supposed to be hurt by anyone especially people like me... mmg senanglah nk ckap, "berubahlah.. ko x patut suke sama jenis dgn ko.. nabi x mengaku umat!!" huh!! yup, i know that.. but if nabi muhammad s.a.w. tahu yg korg just nak maki n caci golongan minoriti cm kami, nescaya nabi muhammad s.a.w. plak yg x mengaku ko umat die... i believe that if nabi muhammad s.a.w. still alive.. maybe loads of gay in this world will become str8. u know why?? because nabi muhammad s.a.w. have better ways to change us.. not just maki, caci, benci, pulau n everything...
ok.. one more thing.. actually becoming a gay is not i want it to happened. there's must be reason y allah give me such a jihad like this.. plus, its not only about sex!! yes, many gay out there, all they want is sex.. but for me, i just want love from a guy... and i feel like more secure when man loves me.. its like im the only one in his heart and he will protect me from anything... yes.. right now, i already have my beloved bf.. he is so sweet n romantic.. he always there for me no matter what.. as a student, i think itulah yg membangkitkan semangat aku untuk terus belajar.. without him,i think i don't have the strength to study... yup... u maybe said that y not ur parents?? love from parents is not enough?? hurmm... for me, parents give such a BIG love for us and it is very special.. xde sape lagi yg boleh bagi cinta cm2 kat kita kn... but, cinta from our beloved person is so much special.. they can give u love that ur parents can't give.. for example, when u r stress, u might need shoulder to lean on rite... yes.. my bf always gave me that opportunities 2 do that.. plus, the kisses, holding each other hands, hugging so thightly... u just can't do it with ur parents.. hurmm... n i love my bf so much.. he is my everything.. i don't think i can't survive this world without him.. thank you very much cyg (panggilan aku kat die) for always there 4 baby (panggilan die kat aku)... mesti korg akn cakap, "pegi mamposla ngan cinta songsang ko" or just simply "ada aku kesah??!" hurmm.. i just wanna tell da truth... thats all..
*minx maaf if ada tersalah bahasa ke ape ke... im just being honest to myself n u....
